Manuscript Evaluation: Forged in Ancient Fire
Submitting a #WIP to a pro to get detailed feedback
It’s taken years to get to this point, and there’s still a long way to go! The journey’s far from over, but I admit I marked a small milestone this week: I brought on a pro editor to review my entire manuscript. I’d heard that if you’re not going the traditional publishing route (still uncertain), at some point, you’d be well-advised to bring in a developmental editor and perhaps a line editor. No doubt they’re both valuable. Then I heard about a preliminary step: a manuscript evaluator that fills the gap between alpha readers and developmental editing.
Let me backtrack a bit. Recently I joined Book Camp and have used the community to ask questions and get feedback. As a member, I was eligible for a brief review of a small portion of my work in progress. I submitted the two pages from my book (not even the complete first chapter!) and waited. I soon received a short video critique. The reviewer identified some concerns but also expressed a positive feeling about the writing, character creation, and scene setting. Given that she had only seen the first two pages of the novel, I knew that her concerns about the story and characters were addressed later in the story.
During that time, I was referred to Reedsy.com as a resource for having someone do a full-scale development edit on my project. I wasn’t sure if it was the next step, but it was worth checking out.
Two things happened quickly: I discovered hiring a developmental editor is spendy when looking at a 104,000-word project. Frankly, it was more than I anticipated and more than I wanted to spend. It might make sense at some point in my publishing goal, but not now. And two, when I started browsing chat and conversations, I learned I could take a lower-cost, intermediate step: hire an editor to read my manuscript and give me a detailed evaluation. In a manuscript evaluation, an experienced editor reads the novel and offers specific feedback on a handful of things: point of view, pacing, plausibility, readability, and overall thoughts on the story and plot.
And frankly, the cost was much more attractive: it costs a tenth or less than a full developmental review, and I’d still get invaluable feedback.
I was in. I was also referred to GoodReads.com as a place where finding a manuscript evaluator would be relatively easy. I reached out to a pair of editors, both with decades of experience, and immediately heard back from them. I ended up hiring them both. One said they were very booked through July and couldn’t provide the evaluation until sometime in August. The other one, Kourtney Schmiedeke of Heartfelt Editing Services, had an immediate opening.
Here's where the fun began. We struck a deal, and I sent my (by now) 94,000-word manuscript to her.
Within a few days, I received Kourtney’s evaluation. I’ll share some of her feedback and recommendations from the first chapter with her permission.
Let me set the scene:
Forged in Ancient Fire is an Urban Fantasy tale of 16-year-old Irish-Korean sorceress Jia Park. The book opens at a memorial service for Jia’s mother, a high school teacher that mysteriously died a week earlier. The service is held in the high school gymnasium, and Jia is sitting next to her best friend, Zilly, and they’re trying to get through the service without crumbling to pieces. There’s a lot of reflection, character-building, backstory, and scene-setting (see the end of today’s post to find out how you can download Chapter One).
Here’s Kourtney take on how the first chapter affected her:
I want to start by saying how deeply moved I was by this chapter. You have a remarkable ability to evoke emotions and create vivid imagery through your writing. The way you described Jia's memories of her mother and the significance of bananas in their lives was both touching and poignant. It truly captured the essence of their relationship and the impact her mother had on her.
I could feel Jia's grief and sense of loss throughout the chapter. The way you described her struggle to focus on the memorial service, her memories of her mother, and her internal turmoil was incredibly relatable. It's clear that Jia's mother was not only her parent but also her confidante and source of stability. The portrayal of their bond was heartwarming and beautifully portrayed.
You did an excellent job of building suspense and intrigue regarding Jia's mother's magical abilities and the Triquerta amulet. The hints and fragments of memories from Jia's childhood created a sense of curiosity and wonder. I found myself captivated by the idea of Jia exploring her hidden powers and the family's magical lineage. It adds a layer of mystery and excitement to the story, leaving me eager to discover more about Jia's journey.
The moment when Jia played the piano at her mother's memorial was incredibly powerful. The raw emotions she experienced, from regret to self-doubt, were palpable. You portrayed her vulnerability and courage in such a genuine way. Despite her fears and unfinished composition, she took a leap of faith, even if it didn't go as planned. It was a poignant and relatable moment of navigating grief and the complexities of life.
Lastly, I appreciated the inclusion of Jia's friendship with Zilly. Their banter and shared moments provided a much-needed lightness amidst the heaviness of the chapter. Their bond feels authentic and supportive, offering a sense of comfort to Jia during her difficult times.
Then, Kourtney gave me a handful of suggestions on how I might improve my writing:
Provide more context: While the chapter captures the emotional intensity of Jia's experience, it could benefit from additional context about her relationship with her mother. Help the reader understand their dynamic, shared memories, and the significance of their bond. This will deepen the impact of her mother's absence and the void it has created in Jia's life.
Develop Jia's emotions: Explore Jia's emotional journey in more detail. Show her internal struggles, conflicting feelings, and the complexity of her grief. This will make her character more relatable and multidimensional, allowing the reader to empathize with her on a deeper level.
Slow down the pacing: Take your time to delve into Jia's thoughts and feelings. Allow the reader to fully immerse themselves in her perspective, capturing the nuances of her grief and the weight of her loss. By slowing down the pacing, you can create a more introspective and contemplative atmosphere.
Introduce more sensory details: Use sensory descriptions to evoke a stronger sense of place and emotion. Consider incorporating sounds, smells, and tactile sensations to enhance the reader's connection to Jia's experiences. This will make the scenes more vivid and engaging.
Strengthen transitions: Smooth transition between different moments and memories. Make sure the shifts between past and present, memories and reality, are clear and seamless. This will help the reader follow the flow of Jia's thoughts and experiences.
Deepen the exploration of the Triquerta amulet: Expand on the significance and potential power of the amulet in Jia's life. Elaborate on her mother's explanation and Jia's curiosity about her magical lineage. This will add an intriguing layer to the story and heighten the sense of wonder and anticipation surrounding Jia's discovery of her sorceress heritage.
I WAS A LITTLE BLOWN AWAY since I’ve never had this in-depth evaluation. As a writer hoping to improve my writing, this was exactly what I sought. Chapter by chapter, I read her brief description of her take on the writing and progress of the story, with specific ways to improve the writing.
By the way, if you’re a subscriber to this blog and my accompanying newsletter (once you subscribe, I’ll invite you to join the newsletter), I’ll invite you to download chapter one of Forged in Ancient Fire in its current form so you can see what Kourtney was reacting to. So go ahead, and subscribe:
Yeah, cool. So glad I did this.
The second manuscript evaluation will show up next month, so for the time being, I’ll set Forged in Ancient Fire aside and work on other things. I’m curious to see what the other evaluation offers.
Congratulations on this next big step. Very interesting feedback.